Jewish Quiz

Jewish Quiz

Keep score . .
If you are Jewish, or an aspiring Jew or married into a Jewish family,
or dating someone Jewish, there are certain things you must know to
survive.
Take (or give) this quiz to see if you've learned enough to function:
1. There are no Jews living in: a. sin b. El Paso c. trailer
parks
2. The cleaning lady in a Jewish household is expected to: a. do
windows b. make latkes c. attend all bar mitzvahs and weddings.
3. To make a good pet for a Jewish child, an animal must be: a. gentle
b. housebroken c. stuffed
4. Jews spend their vacations: a. sightseeing b. sunbathing
c.discussing where they spent their last vacation and where they'll spend
the next one
5. If there's a hairdresser in your immediate family, you are: a. up on
the newest style b. entitled to free haircuts c. not Jewish
6. Wilderness means: a. no running water b. no electricity c. no
hot
and sour soup
7. The most popular outdoor sport among Jews is: a. jogging b.
tennis
c. howling over the neighbors lawn ornaments
8. Jews never drive: a. unsafely b. on Saturdays c. eighteen
wheelers
9. A Jewish skydiver is: a. careful b. insured c. an apparition
10. No Jewish person in history has ever been known to: a. become a
prostitute b. deface a synagogue c. remove the back of a TV set
11. Jews never sing:
a. off-key b. "Nel Blu di Pinto di Blu" c. around a piano bar
12. Jews are ambivalent about: a. vegetarianism b. Jesse Jackson
c.Absolutely nothing ===== Scoring: 1 point for each "a" answer ; 2
for each "b"; 3 for each "c". 32-36 points: Mazel Tov! You know a
lot about Jews.
Either you've studied your loved one's family carefully
out of desire for true closeness plus your respect for their traditions,
or you're from either Florida, New York or Chicago.
28-31 points: You're mildly involved in your faith or
you're a Shiksa getting Jewish by injection!
24-27 points: Most likely you eat Sunday brunch
at a good Jewish deli a few times a year plus
attended a couple Jewish weddings and / or
Bar / Bat Mitzvahs in your time. 20-23 points: You must be working for
someone Jewish,
are in the schmata business or in "the biz". 19 point or less: The Pope
knows more about being a good Jew than you do!
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